WellCommons

Men, women and children came out to support the Second Annual Willow Walk/Red Shoe Run hosted by The Willow Domestic Violence Shelter, Saturday May 5, 2012 at the Southwest Trafficway Trail and Arboretum in Lawrence. The event brought together members of the community to walk a mile or run a timed 5K to raise money for the Willow's Safe Shelter. The event had a great turn out, with over 120 members of the community coming out to support this great cause! This yearly event encourages members of the community to stand up against domestic violence and helps to spread awareness about the issue throughout the community.

The Willow would like to thank all the participants who supported this great cause. Through participation in the walk/run and generous donations from local businesses we were able to raise $12,000.
We could not have done this without the help of the community and we thank you for your contributions!

We would like to give a special thank you to our sponsors for their generous donations for this great event: Kathy Perkins, Women in Law, Allen Press, Lawrence Memorial, People's Bank, Betsy and Maurice Joy, Sport and Spine, LJ World, Computerized Assessments, Diane's Artisan Gallery, Ryan Wedel and Caitlin Day Wedel, Ron Guerin and Karen Cochran, Thomas Holdings, Hobbs, and Capital City Bank.

P5051697 by WillowDVCenter

P5051706 by WillowDVCenter

P5051854 by WillowDVCenter

The Willow Domestic Violence Center will host its Second Annual Willow Walk/Red Shoe Run on Saturday, May 5 at the Southwest Trafficway Trail & Arboretum in Lawrence. This event will challenge women, children and especially men to walk a mile or run the Certified, Chip Timed 5K as a symbol of support of survivors of domestic violence. By participating in this Red Shoe event, you will be making a statement that domestic violence is a community issue that we can all help to end.

All proceeds from this event will directly benefit The Willow’s Safe Shelter that is essential in providing a healthy environment in order to rebuild, after women and children leave abusive home lives. It costs $1,332 dollars to run this safe shelter each and every day.

To register to participate or volunteer, please visit www.realmenwearheels.com . This event will occur rain or shine to raise awareness of domestic violence in Douglas, Jefferson and Franklin Counties. For more information please contact Aimee Eickmann, Director of Community Engagement at aeickmann@willowdvcenter.org.

Seven advocates from The Willow Domestic Violence Center were honored on Tuesday, April 16 at The Roger Hill Volunteer Center Volunteers of the Year Award ceremony. We are so proud and lucky to have all of these wonderful advocates working to support survivors of domestic violence.

Members of our Teen Dating Violence Program team, Brooke Taylor, Holly Santee, Kaylyn Wright and Elizabeth Cunningham were honored in the group division. These four women have focused their time and energy on developing a program to educate teens and community members on the dangers of teen dating violence. Kathleen Christian was honored in the Lifetime Service category for her many years of service at The Willow. Jenny Guthrie was honored under the Collegiate category for her extraordinary abilities to work face to face with survivors on a weekly basis. Jenny is working towards her PhD in Communication Studies at the University of Kansas.

Leslie Goodwin was a Wallace Galluzzi 2011 Outstanding Volunteer Nominee for her incredible dedication to survivors of domestic violence and community education. On top of her studies at the University of Kansas, where she is a Women’s Studies major, Leslie has become a key volunteer for The Willow giving 220 hours in just 10 months! She has facilitated over 30 presentations to educate the public on the dynamics of domestic violence. During her time at The Willow she has also worked with KU and Haskell University to bring greater awareness about domestic and dating violence on campus. Leslie has also provided advocacy services to students who are survivors.

We are so proud of all of our Volunteers of the Year! Thank you for your dedication and service to the Lawrence community, The Willow is lucky to have you! Congratulations!

“How can I help a friend that is in an abusive relationship?”

This is the most frequently asked question of staff and advocates at The Willow Domestic Violence Center in Lawrence. There is not a definitive answer to this question because a survivor cannot be forced to leave the abuser. Although it is hard to accept, the survivor will leave only when he or she is ready to leave. On average a survivor of domestic violence attempts to leave the abuser seven times before permanently leaving. If someone you know has confided in you or you suspect there is some sort of abuse in that persons relationship there are steps YOU can take to help potentially save your loved ones life.

Be supportive and listen patiently. It seems so simple, yet it can be the one thing your friend or family member needs most during a time of crisis. Letting the survivor speak freely about his or her relationship experiences can liberate and even empower them to make a change in their own lives. A non-judgmental and caring listener can sometimes do the most good.

You can also help your loved one affected by domestic violence, by providing him or her with local or national resources (www.willowdvcenter.org , www.loveisrespect.org) . These resources can provide the survivor with confidential support and professional help. The Willow Domestic Violence Center provides a toll free 24/7 crisis line available for advice, emergency shelter and safety planning.

Safety planning is another very important step in helping a survivor of domestic violence. Creating a safety plan* includes preparation for escape or safety in case of a sudden outburst from the abuser. This could include actions such as making copies of important documents, packing a bag of essential items or asking friends and family for a safe place to stay. By caring for and believing the victim you can be a great encouragement and influence in that person’s life. Remember that abuse is never deserved and everyone deserves to feel safe.

*Please follow these links for more information on safety planning: http://www.thesecondstep.org/IfYouOrSomeoneYouKnowNeedsHelp/PlanningForYourSafety.aspx Personalized Safety Plan http://www.ctcadv.org/GetHelp/SafetyPlanning/SampleSafetyPlan/tabid/210/Default.aspx Safety planning for teens and college students http://www.loveisrespect.org/get-help/safety-planning

The Willow Domestic Violence Center provides safe-shelter, peer counseling, advocacy, and other services to survivors of domestic violence. The Willow’s services are based on the empowerment philosophy. Some of the components of empowerment include: believing that the survivor is the expert in their own experience; offering support, resources and referrals; and providing information on domestic violence.

On Domestic Violence: Part of my teaching load includes a graduate course on ethics. Each term, I ask students to write a paper on the people and events instrumental in the formation of their ethical values. You might be surprised how often I read episodes of domestic violence. I am.

For those inclined to raise a hand to their children or spouses, let me assure you that never once has a student drawn a positive conclusion from a violent outburst. Never once has a student said “my old man roughed me up, but it helped me grow strong.” Never once has a student said “my mother hit us all the time, and it made us realize the wisdom of her advice.” It just doesn’t happen that way.

What does seem to happen is resentment, cutting off communication, distrust, and struggles to forget…much less to forgive. It is, of course, possible and even common for these victims to move in a positive direction as an adverse reaction to ugly experiences. Students do swear to themselves that they would never treat their children or loved ones so cruelly. And since substance abuse frequently plays a triggering role in domestic violence, students often vow that they will never let alcohol or drugs be so harmful to their own families. To their own kids.

Imagine that. To impress your children in such a way that their most fervent hope, their most bitter commitment is to not be like you.

Because of the context – my graduate students are generally older and successful – I am inclined to take their adverse aspirations at face value. I believe they will do better. I believe they will break the cycle of domestic violence that often infects successive generations.

But I don’t know. The pull of domestic violence is so terribly strong. It hangs on persistently across time and all social strata: income, geography, race and education. I hope and pray for them, but I cannot erase their memories, their models.

Imagine that. Your children trying fiercely to be different from you. But no matter how hard they try, they find one angry night that your blood still rises in their veins and the fury in your face is now in their mirror. Somehow, somewhere, we’re all accountable for the lives we live. Imagine what your children or spouse would say if asked to assess your legacy. Then stop.

If you can more closely relate to the students’ mentioned above, know that there is help available. In this community, The Willow Domestic Violence Center is available 24 hours a day to provide the support you deserve, as are countless agencies across the state and nation.

For all of us, there are opportunities to be a part of the solution. Join me and other men taking a stand against domestic violence at this Friday’s Walk a Mile in Her Shoes: Red Shoe Walk and 5k. For details see www.realmenwearheels.com.

Charles Jones

Director of the KU Public Management Center

Faculty of the KU Department of Public Administration