“How can I help a friend that is in an abusive relationship?”

This is the most frequently asked question of staff and advocates at The Willow Domestic Violence Center in Lawrence. There is not a definitive answer to this question because a survivor cannot be forced to leave the abuser. Although it is hard to accept, the survivor will leave only when he or she is ready to leave. On average a survivor of domestic violence attempts to leave the abuser seven times before permanently leaving. If someone you know has confided in you or you suspect there is some sort of abuse in that persons relationship there are steps YOU can take to help potentially save your loved ones life.

Be supportive and listen patiently. It seems so simple, yet it can be the one thing your friend or family member needs most during a time of crisis. Letting the survivor speak freely about his or her relationship experiences can liberate and even empower them to make a change in their own lives. A non-judgmental and caring listener can sometimes do the most good.

You can also help your loved one affected by domestic violence, by providing him or her with local or national resources (www.willowdvcenter.org , www.loveisrespect.org) . These resources can provide the survivor with confidential support and professional help. The Willow Domestic Violence Center provides a toll free 24/7 crisis line available for advice, emergency shelter and safety planning.

Safety planning is another very important step in helping a survivor of domestic violence. Creating a safety plan* includes preparation for escape or safety in case of a sudden outburst from the abuser. This could include actions such as making copies of important documents, packing a bag of essential items or asking friends and family for a safe place to stay. By caring for and believing the victim you can be a great encouragement and influence in that person’s life. Remember that abuse is never deserved and everyone deserves to feel safe.

*Please follow these links for more information on safety planning: http://www.thesecondstep.org/IfYouOrSomeoneYouKnowNeedsHelp/PlanningForYourSafety.aspx Personalized Safety Plan http://www.ctcadv.org/GetHelp/SafetyPlanning/SampleSafetyPlan/tabid/210/Default.aspx Safety planning for teens and college students http://www.loveisrespect.org/get-help/safety-planning

The Willow Domestic Violence Center provides safe-shelter, peer counseling, advocacy, and other services to survivors of domestic violence. The Willow’s services are based on the empowerment philosophy. Some of the components of empowerment include: believing that the survivor is the expert in their own experience; offering support, resources and referrals; and providing information on domestic violence.