There is nothing like talking about daycare to make a new mom get itchy.

I mean, let's just put aside for a minute the overwhelming anxiety that new moms have when they go back to work. Let's not talk about the tremendous guilt we feel because for whatever reason (and there are many), we're going to have to put our babies in the hands of someone else for hours a day. I'm not here today to talk about the relative merits of staying home v working. That is a "to each his or her own" topic if there ever was one.

But, it's hard. If you are using daycare, you worry. (Heck, if you aren't using daycare, you worry.)

But then, once you've gotten your mind around the "Yes, we're going to have to find a daycare situation," drama, you have the "But what kind of daycare" drama.

Yesterday, I was talking to a pregnant friend of mine who expressed her concerns over needing to pin down daycare soon. She had a lot of things to think about as she sifted through her options.

The big issue, for many parents, is the staggering cost. The crippling, vomit-inducing price, which makes you extra sick because you're bound to think about the percentage of your paycheck that is going to daycare, and man, is it even worth it to keep your job? But some paycheck is better than none, and you need the insurance, and quitting just isn't an option.

So you start thinking about less expensive alternatives. And then you feel terrible because, you know, isn't your baby worth the BEST POSSIBLE care in town? And doesn't it stand to reason that if you pay more, you get more? Surely the pricey places are the best.

But then you feel sick again, because if you opt for the pricey place, you know you won't have enough money left over to save for a college fund or do extra things with your kiddo like a family vacation or music lessons.

And, really, is the pricey place the best? How do we know? I can say that the situation we have is by far less expensive than many of the daycares in town, but I feel like our baby gets amazing love and attention all day.

As with most parenting questions, the answer is to trust our instincts. Check out the various people and providers. Visit with other moms and dads. And then do what feels best to you, based on your experience and your guts.

I told my friend that I could give her the number of the person who takes care of Johnny three days a week, but she said she wasn't sure about a "home" situation. As an attorney, she'd seen too many horror stories about injuries and deaths in home daycares. She had a good point. Of course, I am more than confident that my baby's caregiver is just as careful or even moreso than I am, but how would my friend know that?

But there are drawbacks to the "regular" daycares, too. After talking with my friend yesterday, I went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription and I ran into a woman who was in my birthing class with me a year ago. She is looking for a new daycare situation because her baby, who is happy and stimulated in her traditional daycare situation, gets sick all the time from the other kids. So this mom would prefer a home situation with just one or two other kids, if she can find it. Also a good point.

I am on the fence. For now, what we have is working for us. Our baby stays home with his grandma at our house two days a week, and goes to the home of a babysitter three days a week. He sees other kids and goes on outings with the sitter, gets his grandma's loving attention, and hopefully is going to be socially well-adjusted and well-rounded for his experience.

Still, I worry that maybe he needs more structure. Do we need a regular daycare so that I know he's getting a certain curriculum every day? Should I be concerned about nap schedules, education, and reading readiness at this early stage of the game?

There's no easy answer. Certainly what is right for my family and baby is not going to necessarily be right for another. My priorities, at least right now, are that my baby be loved and held and get lots of personal attention. That is more important to me than having snack time at precisely 10:00 every day. I mean, he's not quite one. He thinks a stacking cup makes a good hat.

Eventually, I might have to make a change. I'll continue to process and evaluate, and I think it's important never to become complacent where your kids' care is concerned. A change will probably be painful for everyone involved, and I'll lose sleep about it, like I do most of my big parenting decisions. But for now, all I can do is keep close track of my baby, and put him in the hands of trusted folks who will nurture him and help him grow, just like we do at home.

For anyone who needs information about daycares or help sorting out options, The Douglas County Child Development Association can help.