I am not the kind of woman who claims to have "intuitions" about things, and this pregnancy is no exception. People asked me over and over again whether I thought I was having a girl or a boy, and I could honestly answer "I don't know." I didn't care, either. I mean, I was going to find out because I am a Control Freak, and I wanted to plan a nursery and collect clothing and have things all ready for the bambino's arrival, but I honestly didn't care if I was having a boy or a girl. I could imagine both scenarios being fun. Johnny and his little brother? What a pair! A little girl? Awesome - one for me and one for daddy. I didn't have any designs on either sex. Or, at least, I didn't think I did.
We went to Kansas City last week for a Level 2 sonogram. The purpose of this sonogram was to reassure me that this baby is typically developing without my having to submit to a lot of invasive prenatal testing that would likely, at least in my case, result in a false positive for Down Syndrome. But let's face it: I was also excited to find out the baby's sex. First and foremost, I wanted that technician to pronounce that the baby "Looks good," but once that was out of the way I was chomping at the bit. WHAT IS IT WHAT IS IT WHAT IS IT?
And it surprised me as much or more than anyone that when she said "You got yourself a girl," a tear escaped my eye. Maybe two. My husband and I were both dumbfounded. Apparently, deep down inside our hearts of hearts, we thought we'd be having a boy. I have often said that I "just feel like the mom of boys." I hadn't really allowed myself to consider that it might be a girl. And I think that all of that was a subconscious way to protect myself from disappointment if she wasn't a girl.
I have the sweetest little boy in the world and I do believe I love him too much. I would LOVE to have another boy. I'm not the kind of woman who goes gaga over a sea of pink, and I don't like Disney movies and I certainly don't like Disney princesses, so what is it about having a girl that has me all verklempt? What is it the caused me to burst into tears at the pronouncement of her femaleness? I don't even have a girl name solidly decided on. I think girl names are either too frou frou or too dumpy or too trendy. I can't seem to find one that suits my sensibilities.
Still, I'm over the moon about this baby girl. And it's not because of tutus or pink nurseries or dollies (though I am certainly partial to rumble bottom underpants). I think it's something more simple than all that. I think it's because I want to share my femininity with someone. Because what I know first and foremost in life? Womanhood. I know about being a woman. And that doesn't just mean clothes and hair and bra fittings. It means understanding nurturing AND work. It means paddling against the current sometimes, but forging the most amazing transcendent relationships all the while. I'm excited to share my experience in love and life from a woman's perspective with another woman. And yes, I am also excited to do her hair.